week ending july 22, 2007:

Week ending July 22, 2007: This week the kids impressed me with their imagination. Both of them were sick, Alex is still coughing and Chloe threw up for several days, so they weren’t into any energetic play on the trampoline or at the pool. We had to come up with different ways to amuse ourselves and I did my part by letting them “help” me make blueberry muffins and zucchini bread, making home-made stencils for them to color in, and finding beads and buttons for them to glue onto colored paper. They did their part too, but in much more creative ways. They had small toy dinosaurs and small jars of playdough, and they played for quite a while pretending that the playdough was dinosaur poop. They each laid on a step and pretended the steps were bunk beds. They took all (and I do mean ALL) of the play food into the bathroom to have a birthday party for Alex’s train named Dennis. I asked why the party was in the bathroom and they said because they could get water from the sink to fill their cups. They came up with their own art projects. Alex had told me that he wanted to make a Ferris wheel out of Popsicle sticks and glue. He asked as we were heading out somewhere so we couldn’t get to it right away, but I spent our outing mentally planning how to build a Ferris wheel, and mentally bashing myself for even considering attempting something so complicated with 3 year olds. Anyway, we never got to the Ferris wheel project because Alex changed his mind and decided he wanted to build a car out of Popsicle sticks and Chloe wanted to build a… I can’t remember what it was, but it wasn’t something easy. I told them I’d give them each a dozen sticks and some glue and they could figure it out for themselves. I had to demonstrate once how to put glue between the sticks and leave them to dry before it would stick, and then they did everything else themselves. Chloe’s project turned out to be a tent (according to her), and Alex’s was railroad tracks (according to him). They had a lot of trouble squeezing the container to get glue out and they got really frustrated, but they persisted. The next morning they were so proud when their projects were dry and the sticks really stuck together!

week ending july 15, 2007:

Week ending July 15, 2007: This week we lived though our souvenir cold that we brought home from the vacation. After so much running around lately to the beach and the Poconos, it was actually nice to stay home for a few days and just slow down. We did little stuff like run through the sprinkler, blow bubbles, and draw with side walk chalk. Even I ran through the sprinkler a little bit and the kids thought that was the greatest. On Friday morning I found a bird’s nest that had fallen from a tree and brought the kids outside in their PJ’s to see it. They were fascinated and played with it for about ½ hour until they destroyed it. On Saturday we went to their Cousin Natalie’s third birthday party while Casey was offshore fishing (they won the tournament, BTW). The kids were tired and cranky from a week of coughing instead of sleeping, but after a good meal were ready to go in the pool. I told them I had to run to the car to get their bathing suits and when I got back Alex had started eating again, so I took only Chloe inside to get her suit on. When I came back out, Alex was not at the table. As I walked around I realized he was not anywhere in the backyard, and not in the house either. Panic was just starting to set in as I went to the front yard to start roaming the neighborhood in search of him when I saw my brother’s friends (who are also police officers) carrying him back toward the house. Apparently while I was inside with Chloe, Alex had tried to find me and couldn’t, so he decided that I must be at the car (about a block and a half away). The back yard at the party is fenced, the yard is small, and there were about a half dozen adults who know us standing right by the gate, but no one noticed him leave. Well, I learned my lesson. If I’m not going to be within sight of one of the kids, I put another grown up in specific charge. I’ve been kicking myself all day for not doing that in the first place. I had gradually started to trust the kids more and more, but now I’m back pedaling. Today at church there was no plan for kids’ church and the volunteer decided to take the kids outside where there are 3 sprawling playgrounds surrounding the church’s school. I couldn’t bring myself to leave the kids with her, so I missed the sermon and sat outside and she told me about the time she “lost” one of her kids.

An aside

An aside: One of my goals in writing “kids this week” is to make a record of the lives of my family, something that Alex and Chloe can look back on when they become parents themselves (and I *gulp* become a grandmother!). I know that people only remember a small fraction of the things that happen in their lives, and I like the idea of recording some of the simple, everyday moments that sparkle, so that when I look back at these times I can hold on to more of the joy and beauty that kids this age bring. However, this week I’m feeling like it is also important to record some of the things we struggle through, to make the story more complete, and hopefully to give Alex and Chloe something to draw on as they have their own inevitable struggles with parenthood. One of the things I’ve been struggling with is anger and my expression of it. Kids have a knack for wearing one’s patience thin and with no patience left, anger often follows. I’ve been striving to increase my level of calm and yell less, but often fall quite short of that goal. I don’t want my kids to grow up thinking that they have to be perfect to avoid my wrath. Talking with other Moms we share stories of our embarrassing moments when we aren’t the parent we’d like to be. One Mom said she yelled herself hoarse one day. Another said admitted that she got so angry that she hopped up and down to emphasize her point. Another admitted that her child said “that person on TV yells almost as loud as you, Mommy”. One of my low moments came when I told Chloe to use an “inside voice” and she said “Why? You yell ALL the time!”. Some times yelling is necessary just to be heard over the screaming of Alex and Chloe as they clash, but mostly it is just a cheap intimidation tactic. I’m glad that spanking children has gone out of vogue and that people now believe that hitting children just teaches them fear and teaches them that adults use hitting to solve their problems. But, sometimes in a moment where my patience has worn to nothing and I struggle to think of a way to make the kids behave, I think “Boy, if I just smacked them on the butt I wouldn’t have to struggle to think of a motivator. It would be a quick and easy way to make them realize that if they don’t do what they are supposed to, something bad will happen”. Chloe was asking about a story in a library book in which a child was spanked. I explained how Granddad’s Mommy used to hurt his bottom when he didn’t behave. Chloe was stunned quiet (unusual for a girl who is almost never quiet). It’s hard to not get the result you want right away, but I’m finding it is worth the wait. Alex threw such fits a few weeks ago about having to use the potty without me standing in the room. It was tempting to spank him, but I didn’t (I did yell a few times, of which I am not proud). Now Alex uses the potty all by himself and has even started asking to close the door for “privacy”. It is nice that my generation has demanded that men help with the kids and demanded that women get time off now and again to recharge. I don’t know how the women of previous generations did it all by themselves. In the end I know I can’t expect perfection from myself any more than I can from my kids, but that doesn’t mean I can't try to be better. My kids are worth it.

week ending July 8, 2007:

Week ending July 8, 2007: This week was our Poconos vacation. Save for one of the kids getting a pretty nasty cut on his forehead, the trip was a big success. The 10 kids got along very well and since they were a bit older and there were a few older kids around who knew well enough to get a parent if things were getting out of hand, we let them play in rooms where there were no grownups. After a while my kids started to think they were in Neverland because they complained bitterly whenever we interacted with them and when we’d force them to do something horrible like brush their teeth, they’d say “I wish there were no parents, only children!” We actually got all 20 of the group out together on 2 excursions, one to some really beautiful waterfalls and one on a 15 mile bike ride on the rail trail in the Lehigh Gorge (which was also breathtaking). Several other excursions were in groups of 2-4 families. A few days of doing everything by committee made me pretty tired. Every time we’d want to do something we’d have to ask 8 other people if they wanted to go, and which day, and what time, and if we were packing lunches, etc. I’m just not used to that much talking, but in the end it was worth it to share those experiences with friends. There was much less crying from the children than last year. Last year we concluded that there was some child or other crying during just about every waking minute, but this year with everyone a year older things were a bit quieter. 9 of the 10 adults on the trip had been on a white water rafting trip together 11 years ago. Amazingly all the couples are still together and we’re all keeping in touch, but many things have changed over the years. We’ve traded our muscle cars, and Corollas in on mini-vans and sport utility vehicles. Instead of high-fat, high-carb breakfasts we’re eating shredded wheat and Egg Beaters. Most of us know our cholesterol numbers. Instead of discussing what bars to go to, we’re discussing our retirement investments. Instead of staying up till the wee hours, we went to bed around 11 because we knew the kids were going to be up early. Just a few more weeks and I’ll be 35 and I’m the second youngest in the group! The pictures are at: http://picasaweb.google.com/constance.phelps/Poconos