week ending feb 15, 2009:

Usually in my “kids this week” I try to focus on the joy in our lives because I feel so lucky to be a part of this family and because I hope to hold on to many of the happy memories that we are making together. But, as I’ve said before, that doesn’t paint an entire picture, and sometimes it is cleansing to admit that there are things about raising children that are unpleasant. Lately I feel like I’m spending more and more time keeping the peace around here. The kids look to me to settle ridiculous arguments like whether Chloe’s imaginary dinosaur is faster than Alex’s imaginary motorcycle, or which twin has the bigger smile. One of the greatest sources of debate around here is “whose turn it is”. I am expected to remember whose turn it is to sit on the passenger side of the car, get the first hug from Daddy at the end of the night, sit on Daddy’s side of the bed during the reading of the bedtime story, pick the movie/TV show to be watched, feed the cat, and pick the “fun part” for the day. This constant negotiating wears me out. The “fun part” is another tremendous source of debate between the kids and me. They used to ask for things that I could easily incorporate into our daily routines, for instance, during a trip to K-Mart, we’d visit the toy department and they’d spend some time browsing the toys, or during a trip to the Petco we’d go talk to the birds and look at the fish, or if we weren’t going anywhere that day, we’d work on a craft project or bake some cookies together. A few times a week we’d visit the playground, or if the weather was inclement we’d sometimes go to the play area at the mall (which is free) or the library. Now none of those things are good enough (according to Alex and Chloe) and there is no way to describe the kids’ expectations except to say that they are spoiled. We do a lot of fun stuff like go to the Aquarium or to carnivals or festivals, so they’ve lost their interest in the more mundane pleasures. We’ve also had lots of conversations that start with one of them asking what we are going to do for a fun part and I’ll say “we had fun doing our craft project” and they’ll both say “that wasn’t fun!” So somehow by setting aside a part of the day to do something that pleases the kids instead of spending my entire day doing chores and errands, I’ve sent the message to them that complaining about everything we do and refusing to admit that anything is fun will somehow guilt me into doing more stuff that they enjoy. After many a school day when we haven’t yet done anything for the kids we try to decide what to do for our fun part I’ll say “let’s go to the library”. They’ll say “that’s not fun, let’s go snow tubing”. I’ll explain that we only have one hour before I have to start cooking dinner and that it takes all day to drive to the ski resort and back. And we’ll continue back and forth like that until we’re home and the kids will end up not getting any fun part at all because they won’t agree to do anything reasonable. I understand that it is a beautiful gift that humanity has the drive to always want more and better. It is that drive that causes people to work hard to change our world for the better. What I don’t understand is how to get two 5 year olds to appreciate the beauty of what they have. Not really a big problem in the grand scheme of things, I suppose. It is just one more example of the kids changing faster than I can adapt. All this whining and I don't even have any cute pictures. I forgot to take my camera to the Valentine's party at preschool!