Week ending June 24, 2007:

Week ending June 24, 2007: Several weeks ago we got a packet from the preschool that the kids will be attending in the fall. We learned that they will be in the same class, and the school provided some helpful hints for the fall. For example they suggested that the kids wear clothes that are easy to take off and put on such as no overalls, no onesies, no belts, pants with elastic waists (no buttons or zippers), so that the kids can potty independently at school. Chloe’s been potty trained since October and Alex since February, so this shouldn’t be a big deal, but this week it became a big deal anyway. I told the kids that at school they would have to do everything in the bathroom by themselves and Chloe didn’t have any problem with it, but Alex got scared right away and said he didn’t want to. He has always insisted that I stand in the bathroom with him before he’ll sit on the potty, and then he asks me if he’s wiped well enough and if he’s scrubbed his hands with soap long enough and if he’s rinsed them long enough. I’ve spent weeks trying to gradually increase his responsibility, but he’s been very resistant. I’ve tried gently coaxing him and he refused. I tried saying “do it now or I’ll take away…” with every privilege I could think of, and nothing worked and Alex got angrier and more defiant in other respects. When I’d ask him to do simple things like sit down in his car seat he’d yell “you don’t get to tell me what to do, I’m a grown-up!” which led to a no-you-are-not yes-I-am argument (which was a little funny!). So, I tried a big bribe “if you potty by yourself I’ll give you 5 M&M’s after you’re done”. That worked once and then later that evening he told me he didn’t want M&M’s anymore. After weeks my patience had run thin and I decided Alex had to try to potty by himself and it had to be now. I put him in the bathroom and told him not to come out until he was done. He screamed and jumped up and down and bargained and about a half hour later with my serenity completely shot, he did it. Chloe chose the same day to test my patience on various things including a 15 minute screaming fit about blowing her nose. Later in the day Alex kicked and screamed for about 15 minutes when I told him he had to dress himself (which he knows very well how to do). It is amazing how one small problem spirals. Earlier that day I’d told the kids that we were going to an open-house at Grammy Carole’s pool and it had a moon bounce and face painting. But, after the 2nd or 3rd round of the kids kicking and screaming I told them they’d lost their “pool party” privilege. I spent the rest of the day second guessing myself and feeling like the meanest-mother-in-the-world, but we didn’t go and I think that was the right decision because we were all too wound up to handle all the stimulation of the open-house. Things seem to have calmed down now. Alex still complains and bargains about using the potty by himself, but there is no more kicking and screaming. Chloe still complains about blowing her nose, but she does it. And, I reinforced that when I say something, I mean it. Not perfect parenting, but we’re muddling through as best we can. Hopefully they won’t need more psycho-therapy than they can afford when they are grown up ;)